The Eighty-five Billion Euro Man
The Eighty-five Billion Euro Man is here to save Ireland from the Irish! Can he sort out our finances before it’s too late, or is his mission doomed before it even begins?
When Ajai Chopra and his gang of grey suits from the IMF roll into town, questions are asked at the Department of Finance. Why does everyone do their sums in their heads? Why is Mystic Meg listed on the payroll as a consultant? And why does the country appear to be down to its last fiver? One unfortunate bean counter is left behind to clean up the mess.
As the country edges ever closer to bankruptcy, he is forced to deal with a cast of senior civil servants and politicians whose bubble has yet to burst. Chief among them is Dermot Mulhearn, head honcho at the Department of Finance. He presided over the boom and he’s in no humour to give up his perks now that the Celtic Tiger is dead and buried. Whether it’s dining out in Michelin-star restaurants or taking the government jet to Rome for Bunga Bunga parties, Dermot still feels he deserves a treat or ten. And he just got another €85 billion to play with.
Everyone seems to know that we are where we are, but nobody has any idea how we got here. Will Taoiseach Enda stand up to Europe and demand a better bailout? Can Paddy, Enda’s imaginary friend, save the day before Enda realises he doesn’t exist?
The Eighty-five Billion Euro Man is a disturbing insight into the spectacular shortcomings of Official Ireland. It would be funny if it wasn’t so serious.
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